Shenanigans (Dieter)

[Sevestra Yysara]

Sevestra was not happy.

She hadn't the faintest idea why she had been selected to talk to Dieter about his latest shenanigans. The crazy vampire was always working his recruits to the bone with ridiculous field exercises and it often got a little out of hand, but she usually wasn't the one to deal with it. She wondered who she had angered to justify such punishment.

She tapped her tiny foot and her wings twitched irritably as she waited for Dieter to answer his summons, wanting to make this as quick as possible.

[Dieter Helyanwe]

Dieter sauntered down the hall smiling to himself. The last hundred years or so had been great for music. Sure it took him a while to realize that records wern't for decapitations, Atracks weren't bricks, casset tapes were not a conspiracy to insert little plastic things that would take over your vehicle, and then it took a lot of convincing that CD's weren't a new shuriken. Now Dieter had figured out how to work his stereo (He'd heard of I-pods but he didn't want to stick anything in his brain). Although he liked all the big band, jazz, and folk music of the early to mid 1900's, the 60's to the 80's had the best music in Dieter's opinion. Well besides some classics like Mohtzheart, Bach, and Beathoven. Vivaldi was good but not nearly as good.

Dieter then paused mid lyric, "you can't always get what you......" Thre was a pixie standing in his office. Dieter liked Pixie's for the most part. Back in the day you could get anything you wanted if you offered them a infant for it. However this pixie was anything but fun. Sevestra couldn't have fun of you condensed parties, drunken hilarity, every comedian that ever existed, and clowns into a fine snuff and had her smoke it. Sevestra was all business at work. She might have fun some place else but not here. If she was here it wasn't because she liked Dieter (in point of fact Dieter was almost certain that she hated him more than anyone else in the building could care to even muster an effort to) but because she had some business that was stuck on her by others. Which meant as much as she didn't like him, she liked him less at this very moment. Dieter decided to complete the lyric. "want, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need." He walked over to his office.

With a hearty grin that didn't attempt to hide pointy canine teeth, "Hello Sevestra, what a pleasure. I guess it was you who called me. Come on in I'll see what I can do. Mind the trip wire and proximity mine. I can't figure out how to turn the darn thing off."

[Sevestra Yysara]

"It's hardly a pleasure, Dieter. Why in Gaia's name would I be talking with you about pleasurable things?" she said snappily. "You've gotten yourself in trouble again." She heeded his words about the the trip wire and simply flew over it, but the mine was just too much for her. How stupid. She zipped over to the thing and punted it.

Yes, punted a proximity mine.

"Freeze Time!"

The mine had only just begun to explode, so she placed all the pieces of its shell on the floor to avoid shrapnel and threw Forcefield around whatever semblance of flame there was left over before time resumed its normal flow. She then continued on after Dieter as if the last ten seconds hadn't existed.

Technically, they hadn't.

[Dieter Helyanwe]

Dieter sighed. The only reason he hadn't disabled the mine himself was so that he could discourage people visiting his office. People visiting his office were either there to complain, load on more work, or threaten him, or to complain and threaten him. Whenever Sev showed up it meant that he could expect all three. That and her to disable some of his booby traps. Why did she have to make the mess of exploded shrapnel to clean up. The last time she was here an prominent elve's son had complained about him showing up naked to his wedding. Vampires wait just as long to return an insult in kind as elves do. Technically his pops couldn't do anything without losing tons of face. So he just wined up the chain of command. Dieter was all for using clever means to get back at someone, but he wasn't a fan of feeble ones. The letter of explanation was already sent to his house, on high, and a letter was ready for Sev when she arrived.

Dieter didn't quite know what it was this time. He figured he'd play it safe and make like there was just one thing that he'd done wrong that could warrant reprimand. "I swear that chick gave me conscent. She said she liked biting and always wondered what it would feel like to have someone suckling on her ....neck. I'm telling you, there was no hypnosis or anything involved." Oooooo, Dieter knew that probably wasn't the one involved immediately after saying it and that it would garnish only sharper questions. Sev was always persistant. Dieter couldn't believe she wasn't just as fun to be around as some other Pixies.

[Sevestra Yysara]

Sevestra shook her head in disbelief, hovering in front of Dieter's desk.

"No Dieter, I couldn't care less about your personal life. Want to take another guess? I'll give you a hint; it involves your subordinates."

In truth, Sevestra had very little idea what Dieter had done. All she had been told was that he had taken training too far again, to which the typical response from her or anyone else was usually, "Again?" She wasn't exactly pleased that she had to tell Dieter off for doing something wrong when she didn't know what it was, but even though she hated being around him, she figured she'd rather be lecturing him than trying to be friendly. Her one trump card was that Dieter didn't know she didn't know anything. And if she could get him to confess to more than one thing, she wasn't exactly complaining.

[Dieter Helyanwe]

Dieter looked perplexedly at Sev. Then it hit Dieter. Of course he'd had this theory before but he and Ashen proved it using some differential problem solving and calculus. He pulled a pin out of his desk and hit a concealed button which pumped the tear gas into another canister. No sense letting good tear gas go to waste. Dieter open the drawer and pulled out a few paces of notebook paper ripped out of a spiral notebook, a calander, and dates. He looked down and then said, "its that time of the month isn't it Sevestra." Just realizing the implications of what he said Dieter backpedaled and fast.

"No not that time of the month. These papers prove it. See there's a conspiracy. The higher ups have always gotten complaints on me. Since I train my seraphs for effectiveness and refuse to compromise on my training procedure, they make the token lecture every month to appear as if they're doing something. So long as no one gets seriously injured and my Seraphs keep performing the higher ups don't really care so long as they don't go completely nutters. There's a reason there's still seraphs here. Its cause they know it works. However the beaurocracy needs to 'address the problem' and thus they find the person they like least to nag me so they don't have to. Or a sucker. Here's the documented proof of last year. I've got it down to three days out of a month of when it'll happen. More often than not it's the paperwork guys. They seem to have the biggest problem." Dieter handed her the notebook pieces containing a linear model proof, which comprised of mostly Ashen's handwriting, and the calender from last year.

"See it's a conspiracy. Cool what you can do with math." Dieter actually worked a lot with Ashen on the proof. It was good fun. Dieter sat back in his spinny chair and disabled four traps as he let Sev read over the papers.

"You probably don't even know what you're hear to yell at me for specifically."

[Sevestra Yysara]

Sevestra pursed her lips at the 'that time of the month comment,' and they stayed that way for the rest of his speech. His conspiracy theory did very little to assuage her dislike of the entire situation, if that was what he was trying to accomplish. In fact, all it really did was piss her off more. Not that she would show that outwardly, of course. Outwardly, she simply crossed her arms and stared him down as he made his speech.

"Finished? Good. Since you seem to have such a good idea of what's going on, you can yell at yourself. Good day to you."

And with that, she turned to leave, pausing only to shoot the exploded mine a look of utter disdain as she passed it.

I work hard, don't I? I do my job well. Why, then, do I get stuck dealing with idiots all day? she thought exasperatedly as she left the office.

[Dieter Helyanwe]

Dieter couldn't help but feel defeated. He'd gone through the proof. He was going to have a nice afternoon of playing around with whoever they sent down to his office. Sev was always the best one since she took work so seriously. For some reason though she never smile. Sure the corners of her mouth moved in a general upward direction. However she never had genuinely had the feeling behind a smile. Dieter wouldn't allow her such an easy win. He was at least going to get a conversation started and ruffle her feathers.

Dieter faded to black and moved through the ventilation ducts to the area of the hall in front of Sev and rematerialized. "Oh come on Sevestra there's no way they'd want it to merely end at this. No strong words. No lecture on work ethic and appropriate work conduct. I don't even get the usual insult to my intelligence. This is unbecoming of you. Usually you follow your orders to a T." Dieter knew to wave the 'you haven't technically accomplished what you were sent here to do.' With this the confrontation would result in a lecture. That way he could have his witty combat of philosophies. Sev the stuck up workaholic Pixie who could shank you before you finished the 'h' in 'hello', and Dieter the fun loving trickster who knew body guarding in and out.

[Sevestra Yysara]

Sevestra stopped short, a scowl on her face. If it weren't for the fact that he would probably enjoy it, she would have ran right into him and pushed by. He was so... insufferable sometimes! She gave an exasperated sigh.

"Dieter, I may be an emotionless, bitter robot of a person, but a fool I am not. You can try to 'crack me' all you want, you're not going to get anywhere. Trust me, it's not exactly the most original plan; I've had people trying to do this 'for my benefit' my whole life. Clearly I'm fine without their 'help'. All you're doing is wasting time we could both be spending in better ways. Now, if you'll excuse me..."

But she gave him no choice in the matter. Freezing time once again, she used the borrowed time to down the hall to where it was crowded with workers, and she used Alter Self to assume an unfamiliar form.

The lengths I go to, she thought as she left the area, to avoid that clod are ridiculous. You'd think he'd take a hint.

[Dieter Helyanwe]

Dieter realized a ten second head start was a good distance. He knew Sev's love for stopping time would be the next phase in the chase. As a result super speed and a followable scent closed the distance fairly closely. Dieter didn't want things to break out in a fight. The next time she tried a freeze time he'd have to prepare a cancel spell. Dieter casted silence so that no one could hear him coming. When he saw Sevestra down the hall he closed as much distance between him and her and then casted a forcefield just outside of where Sev was walking keeping her trapped. Dieter then dispelled his silence spell, and readied his cancel if she tried something crazy. He kept his forcefield up and maintained its presence.

"Miss Yysara, I'm afraid you misunderstand my intentions. You assume that I care about your benefit. You aren't a ward, you aren't part of a mission, and you aren't even a friend. What does your benefit have to do with anything? I'm doing this because its a challenge you have presented me with. I'll get that stick from betwixt your cheeks. One of these days. You have already engaged in my game and I think that deep down inside you love rising to a challenge." Dieter knew the pixie would probably gun straight for him. Dieter might have to sling the cancel and put up another forcefield to protect himself. Sev wasn't prone to outbursts. Dieter counted it as a win if he got a rise out of her but she probably knew that. Dieter wanted to at least make some sort of connection. By keeping her trapped in a forcefield she'd have to do something. Dieter was curious as to what that would be.

[Sevestra Yysara]

The man Dieter was addressing ran straight into the forcefield, as did a few other workers in the hall. A few looked generally annoyed with Dieter, but most brushed it off as Dieter 'being crazy again'. The man that Dieter thought was Sevestra seemed to have gotten the worst of things; as his nose was bleeding slightly from running it straight into the wall.

"But duh 'ell bas dat por?" demanded the man, clutching his bleeding nose. Dieter's acute senses should be able to tell by the scent of this man's blood that it was not Sevestra at all. The source of the scent, if further investigated, would prove to be a piece of black material stuck to the man's jacket as if by static cling.

Sevestra had, of course, assumed Dieter would take the bait and follow her scent. So she had stuck a man headed in the opposite direction with a 'throw', one of many bits of material she kept close to her at all times to leave a fake scent trail if necessary. One instance of Conceal to hide her actual scent later, and by the time he had finished his monologue to the poor confused office worker with the bloody nose, she was gone without a trace.

Dieter should have known better than to try and catch a Shadow. They tended to live up to their name.

[Dieter Helyanwe]

Dieter paused, "sorry I mistook you for someone else. He looked around. Routine check really. I'll see you later." Dieter let his force field drop. He really should've figured it would be this way. Sev was too smart to let Dieter track her by scent. Dieter himself would've gotten away with a alter self to throw off scent which means she could be anyone. Dieter could try going after her via aura sensing but that seemed to be an extraneous waste of time. The prank was fun but Dieter wasn't about to let it go far into the time consuming. Dieter went back to his office as fast as he could. He shut the door, rearmed his traps, and then got back to his work.

After all, it'd be another month and Dieter could expect Sev on the 15th through 18th.