Post by estelle on Aug 4, 2008 20:40:33 GMT -5
Warnings: Heavy swearing, brief girl/girl, violence, brief partial nudity, dark |
My name is Estelle Celine. I am 22 years old. I hate my life. Every day is the same. If there's anything I can't stand, it's that. Normalcy. Nothing changes. Life is boring and excruciatingly painful.
I discovered my hatred of normalcy as a child. I wanted to be exciting and different and new. I did everything in my power to be unique. I got piercings and tattoos. I dyed my hair. I wore outrageous make-up and clothing. But that wasn't enough. I acted out. I stole, I drank, I smoked, I vandalized, I fought. And I lied. It started out small at first: she started rumors about me, he pulled my hair. Then it grew. She used me. He cheated on me. She threatened me. He stole from me. A man stalked me into an alley on my way home. She beat me. He raped me. I spent three years in prison for a crime I didn't commit. I miscarried. And for a while, life was wonderful. I was exciting and different and new.
I grew up. Do you know what happens when you grow up? Those normal bastards, those mindless zombies just suck you into their mechanical and uniform society. If you want to eat, you need money. If you want money, you need a job. If you want a job, you need to be normal. Dress like us, act like us, walk like us, talk like us, breathe like us, eat like us! I had no choice but to take out the piercings, cover the tattoos, keep my hair a normal color, lose the wild make-up, dress professionally. I could still lie, but that wasn't enough.
Every day, I was forced to work in the normal world, sitting at a desk, answering the phone, sorting files. Every day, routine. It's enough to drive one mad. I turned to books and movies. At night, I would absorb myself in their worlds. Worlds where not everything was the same. Worlds I could only dream of.
And one day, I drove into one. My usual workday extended longer than usual; the drones had some special event to get to, and they dumped their work on me, promising overtime. After that, I had to go get groceries...on the way home, it rained. The rain came down in thick, heavy sheets. I couldn't see where I was going. No one could. My car hydroplaned, I lost control of the wheel, and slammed hard into a tree. A car hit me soon after. The stupid fucks were following me, since they couldn't see the road, and obviously they didn't have the brains to hit the breaks.
It looked like someone played connect the dots with a shard of glass on my face. Something was wrong with my leg and I didn't even want to think about my back. I'd have some nice scars if I didn't die in a minute. How's that for normalcy? I laughed. That's when I heard them. Two f**k**g songbirds prancing down the street, chittering loudly.
"I feel like dancing, Ren. Can we go dancing?"
"All night, if you want."
"'Til your feet hurt?"
"If we dance 'til my feet hurt, you'll have to carry me. I don't think you want to try that."
"Why not? I can carry you."
"Give it a try, but if you drop me and I squish you and you can't breathe-"
"But we don't need to-oh, was there an accident?"
"I don't know, why?"
"Because there's two cars smashed up right in front of us!"
I told myself that I couldn't have died yet. Devils wouldn't be so chipper, and I certainly hadn't earned a ticket through the pearly gates. I prayed for death soon. f**k, these people were annoying.
The songbirds came over to investigate, if they weren't being loud enough. "Ren, can you check the second car?" The nameless she-bird instructed, and stuck her head in my window. "Hello, Miss? Are you conscious?"
If I had the energy to flip her off or swing at her I would have, but all I managed was what I thought to be an annoyed groan. Do something useful, you brainless little twit.
"Oh, good. You're lucky to have lived, Miss. The other guy wasn't so blessed...Ren, come here!"
"Thank God I have you to order me about. I'd actually forgotten how to walk." The bird named Ren, obviously male, came over to gawk at me with his mate.
"Order you about? I order you about?" The she-bird demanded.
"Focus on her now, be pouty later."
"Oh yeah. Okay. Stabilize." The she-bird went silent, and adopted a look of intense concentration. About time.
"Claire's keeping your condition from worsening. Can you open your eyes?"
I tried it. The songbirds were both short, the male only a few inches taller than the female. He had wavy sandy hair about pointed ears. She had brown hair with tight ringlet curls, and a pink dress made for dancing.
"Where's the closest hospital? You're gonna need a blood transfusion."
I stared blankly at the songbird called Ren. I could hardly remember what day it was, and he was asking me about hospitals?
He glanced back at Claire. She didn't look at him, but I got the impression that they were discussing something. I wasn't surprised that wizards would be able to talk without speaking. It wasn't long afterward that I discovered they were vampires, on top of it all. They saved my life.
Magic. Vampires. Their existence offered me hope, hope that something was exciting and different and new. Hope that I could be.
I grew to hate them. I hated how they acted around each other. I hated the smiling and the laughing. I hated the dancing. They were always, always dancing! In the street, through the halls of our house, on the roof. They don't even know how to dance! They just spin around a whole lot and pretend it's not just that! I hated how they'd both sit at the piano and Claire would try to teach her idiot partner how to make something that could be described as 'music.' I hated how they would hardly use magic in front of me. Didn't they know I craved it?! I hated how they would whisper to each other. About me. They didn't kill. I'm not even sure they drank human blood! The fact that I did was always a big concern among them. What if, what if, what if! Oh no, our little Estelle is acting like a vampire, what do we do?! They should have taught me! They should have showed me how to use my power, I shouldn't have had to find out on my own! They should have shown me how to kill, but no, the perfect bastards couldn't stand to stain their hands!
I hated how damn perfect they were. I hated their relationship. Did you know, Ren was an elf? Becoming a vampire was pointless for him; he would already live forever, and he didn't use the strength or speed. They told me, they told me that she turned him anyway. He asked, no, begged her to. "So you'll never feel alone," he said!
They called each other stupid names. His favorite for her was "Sweetling." Hers was "Lovey." They never fought. Ever. They had these little...things, little three-second arguments that couldn't be called 'fights.' They would start over stupid things. The case of the missing keys. They hardly drove, but when the keys were not in their place, all hell broke lose. "WHERE ARE THE KEYS?!" Claire would demand. "I don't know!" Would be the exasperated reply. "WHERE ARE THE KEYS?!" "I don't know!" Over and over. And then, she would do a little trick, a flick of the wrist, and pull the damn things from behind his ear, and they'd smile and laugh and kiss and act as if it never happened. That was how they fought. Disgusting.
Worst of all, they never changed. They were always completely and utterly ordinary. They had so much potential, what they could do, what they could be...and they just sat around and played house like all the normal humans!
I began to picture their perfect, monotonous world shattering, anything to ruin their perfect picture. Be angry! Fight! Kill! Do something different! I wanted to make them loathe each other. I wanted to hurt them. I wanted to break them. I wanted to control them. I wanted to rip them apart.
So I began to plan their destruction, and one day, when I was sure it was flawless...
I crept into Ren's room one of the rare moments he and Claire were separate. He had his back to the door, and a shirt in each hand. One black, one white, and he was eying a blue one that hung in the closet. "Ren..." I sniffled at him meekly, and rubbed my eyes. He jumped a foot in the air and whirled around. What kind of vampire was he? He should have heard me when I was on the stairs. "I knew you were there..." He told me, which was a complete lie.
"I was out feeding today-"
He winced at the thought of how I fed, which he tried to cover up by twitching wildly, as if he just got a chill. Imbecile.
"And...and this lady, this lady was walking by...and she gave me a mean look and said I was ugllllyyy!" I gave another pitiful sniffle and lept over to cling desperately onto his arm. He blinked at me, looking confused and stupid. I felt myself growing annoyed with his silence, but I knew I must keep my composure. "D-do you think I'm u-u-ugly?" I pressed.
Predictably, he snapped right out of his trance, shaking his head, saying, "No, no, of course not."
"D-d-do you think I'm p-pretty?"
"Yes, of course, you're very pretty, Estelle, don't listen t-"
I cut him off. "Do you think I'm beautiful?" I purred, suddenly changing my demeanor. My voice was low, sultry, seductive. I pulled my shirt down so it clung about my waist. The benefits of tube-tops. "Do you...think I'm beautiful?"
The fact that I wore nothing underneath seemed to catch the fool's attention, and he stared at me, gaping, shocked. I expected all this, of course. I seized my chance and kissed him on the lips, hard.
He didn't fight it. After all of that bullshit with his Claire, he didn't fight it. I knew he wouldn't. He couldn't deny that he wanted me. He wanted me, and I just walked up and offered myself to him. He could not deny his attraction. Physical desire - lust - was always more powerful than love. It undid so many 'good' relationships.
I felt elated with my hands wound in his sandy hair, forcing him deeper into my kiss. How long would it be before Claire found out? What would she do in her state of hurt and rage?
I was surprised when he suddenly yanked away. "Don't." He hissed, in a cold manner so unlike his usual self. He tossed the white shirt at me, and abruptly left the room. Somehow, he had resisted! Impossible.
I caught him in his room again a few hours later. Claire was still out, and they had yet to go wherever they planned on going. I didn't even know if they planned on going anywhere that night, the next, or later. It didn't matter. What did matter was he was in his room.
He was facing away from me, carefully painting something on an easel Claire had given him. He didn't see me. He didn't hear me tiptoe through the open doorway, holding his own sword raised at the ready. He kept it in a glass case upon the mantle in the downstairs living room, for decoration, and just in case. He must not have heard me break the glass, either. He remained completely oblivious until I took off his right hand.
He screamed, dropped his paintbrush, and clutched his wrist, eyes wide. He got yellow paint all over the floor, and his blood all over his canvas. I took a moment to see what it was he was painting: two misshapen yellow ducks, one looking very disgruntled, the other now covered in blood.
"AM I BEAUTIFUL, REN?! DO YOU WANT ME, REN?!" I swung toward his remaining hand. The idiot tried to put himself back together rather than fight back when he had the chance. "W-what the hell?!" Was all he could get out before he let out another pained scream. My weapon had struck it's mark. "YOU CAN'T RESIST ME! NO ONE CAN RESIST ME!"
I raised my blade once more, and he could only stare at me. I knew what he was thinking. They saved my life and gave me immortality, they gave me shelter, they became my family and my friends. He was puzzled: where they had gone wrong?
I would have run him through if Claire, his annoying other half, didn't choose that moment to make her presence known.
"You b*tch." She started in a startled whisper. I'd assume she could hardly believe what she was seeing. They really didn't see it coming. "You crazy b*tch! What did you do to him?!" She shrieked, and flew to her love's side. In this moment, I knew they really were perfect for each other. Just as he had not long before, she immediately tried to put him back together, rather than defend the pair of them!
"Claire..." I began, securing her gaze. Her eyes were teary and ablaze. "GET AWAY FROM US![/b]" She yelled, and wrapped her arms around Ren's shoulders, as if she could somehow protect him. "I was out feeding today." I continued calmly. "And this lady was walking by, and she gave me a mean look and...said I was ugly. Do you think I'm ugly? Do you? No, of course not. You think I'm pretty, don't you? You think I'm beautiful. You. want. me."
She couldn't deny her attraction. Lust was always more powerful than love.
She broke our lip-lock faster than Ren had, sobbing, clinging onto him frantically. "GET AWAY! GET AWAY, YOU CRAZY b*tch! I'LL...I'LL...BLAZE!" I quickly moved out of the way, and the fire spell collided with the bloodied art easel. The flames began to feast upon it, but the easel alone did not satisfy their hunger. They would move to consume the wooden floor. They had so much wood in their house, it was all too perfect. It was as if it was fated that their pretty world would burn. I longed to watch it go up in flames. I wanted to see them shriek as the flames licked at their skin. I wanted to see her damned hair, her damned curly hair alight! I wanted to see her scream and beat at it with her own hands! She's nothing without that, that goddamned hair! But I could not risk staying. I could only play what would have happened over and over in my mind. Oh, how I longed to watch them burn!
I let the sword fall to the ground and made my way to the door. Claire would not make to attack me, not while she and her lovey were so in danger.
No one rejects me! Take your sameness and burn with it!
I am exciting and different and new. No one can get in my way.[/color][/font][/size]